I have been in a hurricane for 33 years

October 8, 2017
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I have been in a hurricane for 33 years

I have been in a hurricane for 33 years

“I am ticked off at God and the way he is treating me and it came down to me having to do something desperate because I can’t work it out between me and Him. I am in a psychotic nightmare. My whole miserable life is a disaster. My mom had congestive heart failure brought on by stress and died. I gave up being a musician and wanted to serve God but it has been a disaster of unbearable suffering. My brother died last year and I have been stuck here for three years. I am beat down and have given up. I am a dead guy and want to be out of existence. I missed out of everything I wanted. I don’t know if you want an interview with someone who has gone through spiritual warfare like this.

I was diagnosed with manic depression and obsessive-compulsive, which I have under control, but I am emotionally cripple on the inside. I started doing the sign to God last spring. It has been a mixed reaction. Some understand, some don’t. Even some Christians understand. It is not physical, it is my way of complaining. I didn’t want to do this and it’s not easy, it is just the way it went down. I don’t want publicity. I just want this storm to be over. I have been in a hurricane for 33 years. Think about a hurricane coming to Mobile or Baldwin County, can you imagine having the winds blow in your life for that long? Different levels and intensities and sometimes there are lulls. I just want it to be over.

I have tried to do myself in 11 times. God won’t let me die. I can’t work and can’t take care of myself. I have no life and I am on welfare and poverty. I tried to do something with guitar and write songs again but that ended when my brother died. My hope ended when he died. My sister and I are the end of the line now and the loneliness is overwhelming. I can’t do it by myself in this big world. I want to walk out right now and jump in front of these cars and trucks. No one cares. Not really. I come upon other people on the street and they experience the same thing. Most people don’t care, they go on by.

You can take a picture of me, but don’t take a picture of the sign. Maybe my story will help someone else or help me get a little peace.”

(He was standing on the corner of Government Street holding up a sign that was angry at God and I stopped to ask him about the sign)

2 comments on “I have been in a hurricane for 33 years”

  1. Ted says:

    I know this man. He was a part of our church for a while. I’ve spent time with him. Driven him around and listened. Prayed with him. He is hurting. And it hurts my heart to watch him suffer. He has severe mental illness and is not taking medication. I have offered to give him rides to doctors etc. he is constantly in my prayers and in the prayers of our church. It breaks my heart to see how our homeless need help. He is one that I have had the privilege to get to know. He is my brother in Christ. He is my friend.

    1. Lynn Oldshue says:

      Thank you for sharing this. These stories are hard because you know they need help and care and I don’t know what to do, but I think these stories are important because they help us understand a little bit about what is going on and be more compassionate.

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