“I am ticked off at God and the way he is treating me and it came down to me having to do something desperate because I can’t work it out between me and Him. I am in a psychotic nightmare. My whole miserable life is a disaster. My mom had congestive heart failure brought on by stress and died. I gave up being a musician and wanted to serve God but it has been a disaster of unbearable suffering. My brother died last year and I have been stuck here for three years. I am beat down and have given up. I am a dead guy and want to be out of existence. I missed out of everything I wanted. I don’t know if you want an interview with someone who has gone through spiritual warfare like this.
I was diagnosed with manic depression and obsessive-compulsive, which I have under control, but I am emotionally cripple on the inside. I started doing the sign to God last spring. It has been a mixed reaction. Some understand, some don’t. Even some Christians understand. It is not physical, it is my way of complaining. I didn’t want to do this and it’s not easy, it is just the way it went down. I don’t want publicity. I just want this storm to be over. I have been in a hurricane for 33 years. Think about a hurricane coming to Mobile or Baldwin County, can you imagine having the winds blow in your life for that long? Different levels and intensities and sometimes there are lulls. I just want it to be over.
I have tried to do myself in 11 times. God won’t let me die. I can’t work and can’t take care of myself. I have no life and I am on welfare and poverty. I tried to do something with guitar and write songs again but that ended when my brother died. My hope ended when he died. My sister and I are the end of the line now and the loneliness is overwhelming. I can’t do it by myself in this big world. I want to walk out right now and jump in front of these cars and trucks. No one cares. Not really. I come upon other people on the street and they experience the same thing. Most people don’t care, they go on by.
You can take a picture of me, but don’t take a picture of the sign. Maybe my story will help someone else or help me get a little peace.”
(He was standing on the corner of Government Street holding up a sign that was angry at God and I stopped to ask him about the sign)