“I just moved home and right now I am a bartender at the beach. I lived in California for the last five years and studied massage therapy, alternative medicine and Chinese medicine. I didn’t want to just rub on bodies, my dad used to say that was one step up from prostitution. It took me years to convince him it was a real thing and let me go to school out there. I met a guy, traveled, had a great time and experienced things I have never imagined. We lived outside of Yosemite but I was in love with a lifestyle and not the person. There was a lot of anger in an unhealthy relationship and when I came back home, I needed to heal myself before I heal anyone else.
I need to figure out how to approach who I want to be. That is what I am thinking about on my walk today. I was the always the one who helped other people and put myself last. I am the helper, the shoulder and the rock. I believed I didn’t need help but I was starting to crumble and it drained me. I had to learn how to be honest and communicate. I am seeing my therapist, meditating, taking my dog for walks and feeling the wind and watching the water. Waking up and being happy is harder than it needs to be.
I got help from a crisis center before I moved back home and I am still learning how to walk the walk. I want to offer people who are hurting a place to find help and peace and a chance to regroup. I want to have a place where people can live sustainably and have support and think about things a new way. Perspective is my favorite word. ‘Every little thing is going to be alright’ is tattooed on my heart with a compass. The next one is going to say ‘Perspective, so I can see it every day.
It took leaving home to realize this is paradise and I am bringing together what I have learned from living in the South and California. I can’t accept ‘that’s just the way things are.’ We are scared of life and people and being outside. You never know what opportunities you may miss by being scared. I don’t want to miss mine.”