Out here no one is saying my name

June 1, 2018
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Out here no one is saying my name

Out here no one is saying my name

“I am relaxing. I have a lot going on at home and it is peaceful here. It feels like 13 people living in my house and they are always calling me. I am the one everyone goes to when they need something. ‘Tyler do this’ and ‘Tyler do tha.’ and it feels like I am trying to do 15,000 things at once. Out here, no one is saying my name. I help everyone else and don’t take care of me. I am fine, I’ll help you out. I’ll figure something out for me later. It is draining. I lose a lot and I am physically and mentally tired.

I just turned 20 and I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I am so focused on helping my sister and mama. My sister had a son. We moved here from Hattiesburg and I dropped out of high school to help raise my nephew and let her work and stay in school. She is trying to help mom pay the bills. My nephew just turned three. He is bad but he ain’t that bad. I love him to death and am proud of being in his life.

I want to move back to Hattiesburg and go back to school when things settle down. I need to focus on getting myself back together but that feels selfish and I don’t want to hurt my family. My best friend tells me I have to stop caring so much but that is hard.

I think I want to do photography. I use my aunt’s camera to take pictures every time she comes down. I also want to do something in fashion but I don’t know how to do that with photography. There is something about the camera and taking pictures that feels like that is what I am supposed to do. I wish I had a camera so I could take pictures today. This is so beautiful.

I feel like everything happens for a reason. There has to be a reason why I am supposed to be sacrificing myself for my family. I am just waiting for it.”

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