“Kelsey was my cousin. We were born four months apart and raised as sisters with sleepovers, dance classes, and matching clothes on picture day.

Kelsey was the “square one,” giving love and encouragement. She was a cheerleader at Theodore High School and made good grades. Kelsey should have become a lawyer because she could argue with anyone.

She experimented with Xanax bars during high school to calm her anxiety, then took pain pills after her pregnancy. Her drug use grew during a difficult marriage and divorce.

Kelsey found new friends and began using methamphetamine. She became addicted and ended up homeless. Family helped raise her young son and daughter.

I also had kids and had imagined us living close by and raising them together as our moms did. I dreamed about Kelsey all of the time and wanted the real one back.

I wrote her a long message and asked why it was so hard to stop using drugs.  I asked her, ‘does the meth make you feel so good that nothing else matters? Or does it just make you forget everything else?’

Kelsey replied, ‘It’s not the meth I am addicted to, Allison. It’s the numbness and having no more pain. It’s shameful and embarrassing what I’ve become.’

Those were some of the last words I received from her.

Kelsey died on October 11, 2018, at the Rodeway Inn in Tillman’s Corner. She was killed by fentanyl because someone else gave it to her. She didn’t ask for it.

During the investigation into her death, we had limited information about what happened to her, so it was difficult to hear the details when the case against the drug dealer went to trial. In the beginning, I blamed Kelsey for her overdose because she was doing stupid things. Now I know she put herself in stupid situations, but was also taken advantage of by bad people. She didn’t just go to a motel room and do this to herself. Someone else did this to her. That’s hard to swallow, but it helped me forgive her.

The trial also helped me understand more about withdrawal symptoms, the illness of addiction, and the pain Kelsey felt when she didn’t take the drugs.

I know Kelsey wanted to get better and come back to us and her kids, but she kept putting it off for another hit. I think she felt like she was still in control and had more time. But fentanyl made it too late.”

Allison