“My name is Vinson, but everyone calls me Duke. That came from mom. When I played football, it was never Vinson Flowers. It was always Duke Flowers. Even out here, I’m Duke.”

I started out parking cars for Topeka’s music festivals, dancing, and talking with everyone. I found my calling there. Now I’m working on their new venue. Me and a couple of other guys built it from the bottom up. Built it from scratch.

I grew up in a little town outside Andalusia, raised by my mom, my granny, and my sister. I was three when my dad passed away while he was in the Army. My mom was also my dad. She was supposed to be a nurturer, but she set the rules. It was different seeing a woman do that. I was a lonely, angry child after I lost my dad. I didn’t understand how this could happen. I learned how to do things on my own and saw the world differently.

Playing football my whole life was more than a sport. It gave me joy and took away the pain of not having a dad. It taught me about accomplishment and choices. My dream was to play pro football, and I had a couple of offers in college, but it wasn’t anything big. In a split second, football was gone. It was like losing a best friend. I went to a dark spot because all I knew was football. I spiraled for a year and went through a lot of jobs because I was lost.

Two years later, I met my son’s mother and we had my boy. This was happiness and someone I could live for. That changed my life, but it took a lot for me to understand how to be a father. I was scared at first. My mom always told me there’s no rules to parenting. It was kind of like going into it like a roller coaster. I went into it head first and stayed with it. He’s four now, and I see every bit of myself in him. The hard-headedness. All of it.

I have a tattoo for my dad that says ‘Death got to be easier because life is hard’ with God’s hands and the death date. Dad has been gone for 23 years, but he’s always with me. I’m 25. That used to get me on edge. Am I going to make it to 23 and be like my dad? On my 24th birthday I was blessed knowing I made it past 23. My dad didn’t get this chance to be out here in life.

Sometimes I struggle with overthinking and the fear I’m not enough. Plus, I’m a young black man and could be at the wrong place at the wrong time. I let this go and let God. I think my smile comes from the pain. If I don’t smile, then I get to thinking in my mind. The old saying is ‘Smile so you won’t cry.’ The positive overtakes the negative—that’s my goal.

I’m giving my son what I didn’t have. I bring all the love out of me and put it into him. I won’t be here one day. He’s my imprint in this world.”

Duke

(Duke is working on the Topeka venue at Miramar Beach, Florida. Their music festivals start next weekend.)