I walked up, expecting them to politely turn me away. Instead, they pulled up a chair and gave me a cup of chai tea. They are from Palestine and Syria and became friends at their mosque in Mobile. They have lived in the United States from 20 to 30 years and came here because of their husbands’ jobs or school. They got married and started their lives here and this is their home. Our conversation became what Muslim women wish American women knew about them.

“We wear the hijab because we want to, not because we are forced to. We wear it to please God, not to please men. When people see us wearing this, they think we are oppressed.”

“Some Muslim women around the world are oppressed, but not all of them.  Wearing a scarf doesn’t hold you back from living your life, getting your education, doing the things that you like.”

“American women see the scarves and feel sorry for us. I can feel it. This is part of our religion and we understand why we have to do it. Some choose not to. I can take it off right now and no one would stop me.”

“When we have parties, we don’t dress like this. We wear clothes that show shoulders. We dance and have fun. The people who are serving are surprised and try to record us and we have to ask them not to.”

“We wear lingerie, too. I was buying some things and a lady asked, ‘Do you wear this?’ I said, Sure, why not?’ Our life does not stop with the scarf. We don’t sleep in it or shower in it. We take it off at home and change it out.”

“It is okay when people are curious and ask us questions. When people are rude is when we get upset.”

“We get looks all of the time, but we are used to it. I walk through the grocery store with my husband and he gets upset because he sees how people are staring at me. I don’t pay attention. Only a few people act mean. Maybe people do it behind our backs.”

“We believe in religion, not traditions.  We teach religion to our children and when they grow up they can choose what they want. We teach them from the time they are young the importance of family and staying in touch. Our religion is a very important part of that.”

“We want our kids to be close and want them to live with us as long as possible. In America, children leave home at 18 and can travel and study and have a different life in a different area. Your son is 17, is he ready for that?”

“My daughter is 21 and still living in our house. We are against our children moving out when they are 18 and living by themselves on their own. It is so much pressure at a young age. We like to take care of our kids as long as we can so they can take care of us when we are older. They only acceptable reason for them moving out so young is if they go to college somewhere else”

“My son got married last year. He was 31 and that is when he moved out.”

“We get engaged before we start dating.  You don’t go out by yourself and date before you get engaged. It is not an arranged marriage. Talk to him a lot and know he is the one that you want to get engaged to.”

“I like our way. I want to know who my daughter is dating. I want to be involved, not to control her life, but to give her an opinion. She is my daughter, we are not enemies. It is giving advice and a blessing. Wouldn’t you like to see your children to make the best decision possible on something as serious as marriage?”

“I want the relationship to be serious. No messing around. It’s not about having fun or hanging out. Here they don’t take things seriously. I tell my kids it is serious because once you start, you can’t go back, you are in it forever. What if the relationship brings a baby? That baby needs two parents who are serious. You have to be mature enough to handle this.”

“I finished college but never got the chance to work. I taught my kids and took care of the house and family.”

“My youngest son went off to school and I am trying to figure out what to do the rest of my life. Maybe volunteering.”

“When I watch a series like ‘Little House on the Prairie,’ I see similarities between a Muslim community and how America used to be. Modesty, respecting older people, and being conservative how to spend money and how everything has value. If you let go little by little, then you lose your values.”

“As Muslims, we aren’t allowed to have drugs, alcohol or anything that  harms the body. Anything that takes your mind away. We also don’t eat pork. We don’t miss it.”

“I have been watching the ‘Handmaid’s Tale.’ It tells you what will happen to America if you let go of the Constitution and freedom.”

“We wish there were some things our countries could learn from the United States. The system is organized and there are rules and laws that most people obey. Everyone knows what you are supposed to do. People here are more honest.”

“Most Americans are kind and have been very nice to us. I have lived here for 20 years and maybe had five bad experiences about being a Muslim, that is not much. Sometimes people want to make us want feel good that we live here. After 9-11, people went out of their way to be nice.”

“On April 3, there was a bulletin that spread with a list of how to harm a Muslim. Acid in the face was 100 points. It is scary to think some people feel like that about you.”

“It is not easy to life in a place and be different.  We have to always adjust and show we are a good person. When we see people doing bad things in America, we don’t apply that to everyone. We wish others would do the same. There was a shooting in the Jewish synagogue. We were sad that it happened and so scared it was a Muslim.”

“Not everyone in our religion has the same values as we do. We have the same point of view, that is why we are friends. You have more experiences and you see things more clearly. We have made a family out of our friends. We are very close. No gossip. We have known each other for 20 years and care for each other. We are very sweet.”