“My dad works with lighting. I am going to work for him and have the opportunity to make money legally. I have never held a job for longer than two weeks because I always sold drugs. I have been in prison the last 7 and-a-half years. I have only been out for a week. I made meth and was a real live Breaking Bad story. This area is flooded by meth. I was not a very good distributor because I was an addict. A monkey can’t sell bananas. I am a racist because of prison and how they treat white men in prison. I had to do some violent things to protect myself and ended up doing most of my time in a maximum security prison. There were people who have been in solitary confinement since I was born. It is easy to get drugs in prison too, especially the fake weed that is more dangerous than heroin. But you don’t fail a drug test with that. I met some good people and bad people and I am not going back. In maximum security prison, most people have given up. It is a hopeless environment and messed me up. One guy told me, ‘You don’t need to act like this. You are going to get out and go back to people who love you.’ That made me think. I went to chapel that week and God spoke to me. I am getting involved in training people at my church for prison ministry and preparing them to go into prison. I love the Lord. The first day I got out I went to see my mama and grandmama. I have been spending a lot of time with my family. I told my daughter the truth about everything and that right is right and wrong is wrong. I have four women in my life that I love to death. I will stay straight because of them, but I have been drinking scotch or vodka to help me deal with the transition period and the depression and anxiety. It is tough. I get insomnia and restless leg syndrome. I have slept about 24 hours since I have been out. I walk around a lot.”

“What are the tear drop tattoos?”

“The one that isn’t filled in. I was 16 and my mama told me whatever I earned for a car, she would match it. I found guys that would give me a pound of reefer for $300 on credit. I came up with $1500 dollars and we got a Mazda Protege. I got a couple of customers around town. I met an older man at a motel and sold him pot because he could walk there from his trailer. He would spend $100 at a time which was good money for me. One night he walked off and I met another customer. Driving back home, I hit the old man as he was crossing the highway and I killed him. I was 16. They arrested me at school for vehicular homicide and put me in handcuffs in front of my peers. No one’s mama would let them come around me. That messed me up and I started doing Oxycontin painkillers. That led to an uncle who was making meth. He told me that for every 10 boxes of Sudafed I brought to him, he would give me an Oxycontin. I started stealing Sudafed off the shelves at dollar stores. I was 16 and already shooting. Most of the tattoos on my arms cover the track marks from shooting. I am so proud of my daughter, she is 16, the same age I was when I got messed up, but she is beautiful and straight. I did drugs in prison, but I stopped when I knew I was getting out. Drugs don’t discriminate. I won’t lie, I have wanted drugs since I have been out. I was standing in line at the pharmacy with the card and the box of Sudafed and the Lord said put it back. I said, ‘Yes sir.’ I got home and hit my knees and cried and thanked God for being strong. He is bigger than my addiction. ‘My shelter is in the shadow of the most high.’ Sometimes the flesh makes us weak and we slip a little bit, but when I hear his voice and I stop. I have God on my side and I deserve a better life than what I had.”