“I am getting healthier and walking, and to be honest, I have been on Paxil (antidepressant) for 30 years. I was in a traumatic experience and went on it, but now I want to know what it is like for my brain to be clear. I stopped taking it 14 days ago and was in bed for the last two days with sweats nausea and just found out this morning that it is like getting off cocaine. I have had blurred vision and dry heaves. I have a long way to go, but I have started feeling so much better, so much happier, so much healthier. Why did I stay on it for so long? Because a doctor told me to, they tell me I can’t not be depressed. I recently moved down here to be with my sons and four grandchildren–family who love me and want me with them. I am the crazy grandma who gets out with them in the ocean and picks up a jellyfish or pets a stingray as they swam by. My grandson said, “Grandma, you are crazy, but you are a good kind of crazy.” I am 68 years old and lost 60 pounds. Every day is a blessing to me and I feel so much closer to God now. It is a shame I had to go through so much to get there. My motivation is now don’t give up, so many people give up and wait to die. I have two Marine corp sons who gave me tough love and kept telling me I have to adapt and adjust. I am not a crazy person, I just went through some tough times and gave up. I lived on my farm and stayed to myself. I didn’t think I was good enough to be around my own kids. I lived in my past and my failures and what I should have done differently. Who would think that going through a divorce and hanging on the what ifs would have made me want to give up, but it did. I gave up on believing in God for a long time and I am ashamed of that. Paxil covered up the pain. Now I take every second, every minute, every hour and think I made it. I didn’t know I could find a new life at 68 years old. I am not a supersmart person, but there are so many people who are lonely down here and I talk the them. Maybe that is my little gift. People just want to be heard. I have learned that something as simple as that could bless somebody. I always thought I was useless. I tried to be a good mother, but I didn’t go out and do great things. I just read The Traveler’s Guide and it is the best book I have read. It helped me realize I am someone special. When I was little, my dad once told me I would never amount to anything and I would be a failure. You believe your parents and from then on, I was a different little kid. I later found out, my dad was angry at himself because he didn’t have an education. Later when I had my own kids he told me he had always loved me and was proud of me, he was just ashamed of himself. Second chances are amazing and you have to give yourself that. I didn’t save my money and I wish I had and I have to deal that, but now I am so rich, but not with money. I have people who love me and encourage me, and I am going to live my life to the fullest. I am learning to love myself and realizing I am a pretty nice person. This is the first time I have had these feelings in 30 years. I am going to start loving me and I haven’t loved myself in a long time. I am not giving up.”