“I was born and raised in Mobile. I was a foster child and stayed in more than 20 homes.  I have family members who battled with drug addictions. One story we heard was that my siblings and I were left at home and we ended up in the middle of the street. A relative called child protective services. Another story is that we were in the middle of the street and somebody passed by and called the police.

One of my aunts took in some of my older brothers and sisters, but my younger brother, sister, and I were sent into the system. We stayed together and they depended on me. I tried to make life as normal for them as possible while I held in my true emotions. As long as they were okay, I was okay. I hit my teenage years and became difficult, but I was numb so I couldn’t feel anything.  They provided therapy, but when you’re defined as a difficult child in the foster care system, they overmedicate you for behaviors instead of looking at the root of the problem. I was known for having oppositional defiant behavior because I spoke out when I was mistreated. But what I said was overlooked. I endured physical, sexual, and emotional abuse in homes. Sometimes from family members.

It was a hard day being removed from a foster home, especially when I didn’t know why. I blamed myself. We heard some of the comments that foster parents and social workers made. Sometimes after school, I would find big black garbage bags full of my clothes left by the door. Sometimes they didn’t even let me go back into the house. A caseworker would pick us up from school and take us somewhere else. Our belongings were always taken out of bags, put in bags, reput in bags.

It got harder when I got older and families started taking my siblings and not me. It is easier to take the younger kids. I was by myself and lived in group homes. St. Mary’s was my last placement. There was a lot of crying and isolation. I felt unwanted and unloved. It hurts to feel like you don’t belong anywhere and that you’re not important or valid.  At one point, I was so overwhelmed that I tried to take my own life. I still thank God that I didn’t go through with it.

I had a couple of people who tried to help me. One was my cousin Chandra Brown. She took me and my siblings in and showed us new experiences and that there was more in the world. But during that time I was not receptive to that type of love. I thought she was going to put me out like everyone else and I was difficult. Finally, she couldn’t take my behavior any longer and put me back in the system. I resented her for that, but it wasn’t her fault. As I matured, I understood the things I could have done much better and living with her is one. She is now my inspiration, my guardian angel, and my mentor.

One of the positive things about the foster care system is after you age out they help you get into college and provide scholarships. They also provided a computer and a mentor. My mentor was Sara Donaldson. I was reluctant to trust her because I thought she would leave me. But she stuck it out and showed me there was much more in the world. She made me a part of her family and today we are best of friends.

I went to Alabama A&M because my youngest sister was living with my aunt in Huntsville. I lived close to her and was there when she needed me. At the holidays there was no home for me to go to, but college was one of the best experiences of my life. Me going to college was a shock to a lot of people. They expected me to turn out like my parents or a nobody and I wanted to prove them wrong. I wanted to do better for my siblings and show them what was possible.

Since middle school. I wanted to be a social worker to help somebody else. I wanted to do it differently and bring change.  After college, I worked for child protective services. Being in the system made me more compassionate and empathetic to the children. I showed them that I had been there and that they can weather the storm and create the life they want.  Kids can’t choose where they are or who their parents are, but I teach them difficult times are just a stepping stone. It’s so important to have adults who are listening and present in their lives.  Children who were molested by foster parents brought back memories of what happened to me and sometimes I had to work through it and regroup. I also worked harder for them.

Seeing the process of removing kids and placing them into custody was an eye-opener. I now understand many social workers are overworked. When you’re just trying to place a child, you’re missing the psychological piece of that child. There’s not enough time to address trauma and mental issues. We are missing what is at the root of their problem. Some kids don’t say anything and we miss out on providing the services they need.

I’m now a social service director within a nursing facility in North Carolina. My primary population is the geriatric. I still find some challenges, such as trust in the people I love. But I am learning healthier coping mechanisms and boundaries.

I graduated in November with my master’s degree in social work and obtained my LCSWA. We had a big celebration in Mobile and it felt surreal.  I have one son and 11 nieces and nephews. I want to be a role model for them and show them that they have options. I made them T-shirts that read, ‘My Aunt mastered it so I can doctor it.’  My son’s shirt read, ‘My Mom mastered it so I can doctor it.’ I want them to know I am always here for them.

I want to open a private, independent practice to help individuals dealing with short-term disability, such as depression and trauma. I also want to be a mentor for foster children. I would like to start a Facebook page for foster children who need advice and support.  As a foster child, you often feel like you can’t go to the social worker or the foster parent. It is a mental grind. I want them to focus on what they have, not what they don’t have. If you focus on what, or who is not in your life then you are going to miss out on what you have in front of you. We are all given opportunities in life, but sometimes we have to work harder to get them.

Most importantly, I want to raise my son differently and give him the things I didn’t have. He will have opportunities that it took me so long to obtain.”

Megan

My Personal Testimony- Poem

To The Little Girl….

To the little girl born in a small town called Mobile, Alabama.

To the little girl raised in the foster care system.

To the little girl who never received a forever home.

To the little girl whose pure innocence was taken away at a young age.

To the little girl who was emotionally and physically abused by the ones she loved.

To the little girl who took on the role of mother at a young age.

To the little girl whose assertiveness was seen as aggressive.

To the little girl who suffered from childhood trauma.

To the little girl called difficult for telling the truth.

To the little girl who gave up and attempted to end her life.

To the little girl who had a dream and persisted.

To the little girl who will become the first in her family to receive a Masters.

To the little girl who fought so that I can BECOME…….