“Addiction runs in my family. One of my greatest fears as a parent of four is that my children will become addicts, so I educate them about their genetic predisposition to addiction, the dangers of self-medicating, and how to manage their emotions and feelings.

 In the summer of 2020, my 15-year-old daughter, Annalie, started smoking pot to deal with the trauma of being sexually assaulted. I found out about the assault and drug use in the emergency room after she was suspended from school for getting into a fight and threatening suicide. She tested positive for marijuana and confided to the nurse that she had been smoking pot habitually for three months. She also admitted she had been sexually assaulted. I felt helpless as the world collapsed around me. Annalie was admitted directly to a psychiatric hospital for adolescents.

 Annalie continued to spiral out of control from August 2020 until April 2021. We responded to her behavior with consequences, therapy, and psychiatric medication, but there were more school suspensions, suicide attempts, and returns to the psychiatric hospital. 

 On March 26, 2021, Annalie arranged for another student to bring her alcohol. She got drunk at school, threatened suicide again, and was expelled. We signed a form acknowledging that she threatened suicide and took her home. 

 To see my daughter like this was heartbreaking, and I didn’t believe that I could keep my child safe from herself. I called 911 because this had to escalate to get help. The police, ambulance, and fire department came to my house, strapped Annalie to a gurney, and took her to the emergency room to be evaluated. How could this be my life? My younger kids were going to get off the school bus soon. 

 Three hours later, I called the ER to check on Annalie’s transfer back to the psychiatric hospital for the suicidal threat, but the nurse informed me that she denied suicidality and told me to pick her up. Of course, Annalie denied that she was suicidal, but this was her third trip to the ER for mental illness and black-out drunk. They should have connected me to resources instead of sending her home.

 I had to keep Annalie alive for two days before we took her back to the psychiatric hospital for a week. Those seven days were a bandaid, but it gave our family a break and we knew she was safe. We received a letter to acquire a CHINS petition saying Annalie was a troubled youth in need of services. 

 During this, I accepted I am powerless over Annalie, but I will do anything possible to protect her and show her alternative ways to cope while she is still under our roof. 

 Annalie went to therapy three hours a week, completed CAPPS (Chemical Abuse Prevention Program), and began to stabilize and earn back privileges. She got a part-time job, finished her time at the Alternative School, then attended Virtual School until she was ready to return to traditional school on January 4th of this year. She has been doing much better.

 I am educated and work in healthcare. My family has resources, we live in Spanish Fort and our children are in good schools, but Annalie still fell through the cracks of a disconnected system. I felt helpless and alone and was desperate to speak to other parents who had lived through similar situations.

 My story isn’t unique, but we experienced so many things in such a short period. It paints a picture of what happens to a young person with mental health needs at school, in the emergency room, and in the psychiatric hospital.  I felt like I was trying to assemble a puzzle of resources and solutions while someone else was hiding the pieces. I can’t imagine how hard it is for others who have less.

 Out of desperation, a purpose was born. I wanted to share with other parents the pieces of the puzzle, the professionals, and resources I had found. 

 I sold my triathlon bike for startup funds, and my son, Denver, and I started One More Moment on 2/2/22 to connect families to community resources. We offer a safe place for parents to come together and get the support they need. We also offer free therapy to parents.

 The schools want help, too, and I am now a school resource with Baldwin County Schools. They have few social workers and counselors and more kids than they can handle who are suicidal or have a mental illness. The teenager today is not the teenager of yesterday. 

 From schools and parents to the healthcare and law enforcement systems, the parts aren’t working together, and each points fingers at the others. Schools are trying to educate, but there is a crisis of the mind in our kids, and schools aren’t mental health facilities. The kids in crisis are younger and younger, and we are lacking intensive treatment for youth. 

 Now a school social worker is able to call me and say they have a student in crisis. They can also tell the parents to call me. When I meet parents I give them a One More Moment box with a candle, a gift certificate with a casserole, and a note that reads:  ‘If your child breaks their leg, your friends will bring you a casserole, but if they struggle mentally or behaviorally, then people get uncomfortable. Dinner is on us.” 

 Having a suicidal child puts you face-to-face with your fears. When Annalie was self-destructing, I often felt like I was throwing things against the wall to see what stuck. If it didn’t stick, I picked myself off the floor and tried again. When Annalie started therapy in 7th grade, so did I. 

 I used to parent with my head on fire so I learned to address my own fears, respond to my children rather than react, and let go of everything that is out of my control.

 I am also learning that there is no ‘right’ way to tackle adolescent mental health and addiction. All you can do is be flexible and respond and adapt along the way. There is no finish line or ‘we have arrived’ moment. This is Annalie’s path, not mine. I am limited to loving my children unconditionally, setting boundaries, allowing natural consequences to unfold, and offering tools to put in their toolbox that they can draw upon if they choose to do so.

 Annalie lets me tell her story so that it can help other families. Denver came up with the name One More Moment. It is about the present and focusing on what you can control. We not only want to help parents help themselves but also to make sure they have one more moment with their child.

 I feel at peace with anything that might happen. We can’t run around with our heads on fire all of the time, but we can calm the chaos within ourselves no matter what is going on on the outside. 

 We can’t fix someone else’s problems, but we can walk with them. We aren’t alone.”

 Nicole 

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Nicole’s story is a part of a series about the Weavers—people stitching our communities together, solving problems, and showing how to care for our neighbors. Send a message to Our Southern Souls to nominate a Weaver from your community to be featured on Souls.