“I have stage one triple-negative breast cancer. It is resistant to multiple types of treatment that would have been easier on my body. I found the lump on Sept. 17. Soon the biopsy came back with cancer. I told my mom and stepdad not to come to the appointment. I thought it would just be a fibroid and I would go on my way. Thank God they were there and have been at every appointment since. Oct. 17, a month after I found the lump, I got the port placed. A week later I started chemo. On Sept. 16, everything was fine. I turned 40 on November 3rd. I got cancer for my 40th birthday.

I still can’t believe I have cancer. I am dumbfounded and haven’t had the ugly cry yet. The lump had been there for about two months. I wasn’t a checker and found it by accident when I was taking a bath. It is super aggressive but they say I will have a successful outcome because I caught it early. I now tell everyone to check their breasts, men too. There has been lots of chemo and medications and I am halfway through. I have three more treatments and the last one should be in February. Then four to six weeks before the bilateral mastectomy. So many new terms and words. I have to Google everything the doctors say.

On my first day of chemo, we had a head-shaving party at my uncle’s house. Everyone who wanted to got to swipe. I did the first two swipes. That day of the first chemo I realized it was real, not a joke. It was hard shaving my head, but I wanted to be in control of losing my hair. It had to be my decision and not the invader’s. I feared waking up by myself with a clump of hair on my pillow. I thought that would break me. I miss my hairdresser. I had long hair that has been every color. This is the shortest my hair has ever been. We already have plans for what to do when my hair grows back.

Before the chemo they asked me if I wanted to freeze my eggs. I never married. I am happy with my dogs and never really wanted kids, but this is one more thing cancer has taken from me. This is invader is dictating what I can and can’t do and having options taken away is hard. I also can’t donate my organs because I have had chemo. I wanted to be an organ donor. My body will be useless after I die.

I went to SCAD in Savannah but always ended up in New Orleans until I was ready for something quieter and safer. I moved to Mobile two years ago in July. I bought this house in February and two weeks later lost my very lucrative paycheck and have been living paycheck to paycheck since. The hours I’ll be losing at work are going to take a toll financially and I may lose my first home at 40 years old. I am now a vet technician and love my job. I have only worked there for eight months, but they have been incredibly supportive with my schedule and how I feel. I have never had physical limitations and the things I can’t do is getting frustrating. It is hard to clean the house. My portals swell if I do too much.

We have no family history of cancer and the doctors don’t know how it started. It was just a cell that didn’t want to do what other cells do and it multiplied. The chemo is poison and doesn’t discriminate between cancer and healthy cells. Anything fast-growing like hair, nails, and the lining of your stomach, as well as the cancer cells, get attacked by it. A few weeks after you begin to recuperate, they hit you with chemo again. This thing wants to kill me. Where did it come from and why did my body turn on me. We exercised every so often and maybe had a glass of wine or two. I thought we were friends. A few weeks later as you start to recuperate they hit you again. Give me a better word for this than it sucks. I am nonplussed by cancer. Ten out of ten women would not recommend it.

2019 has been a rough year but every day is one day closer to being cancer-free. Being positive is the only way I can get through this. I am not letting this invader take over. Cancer gets more real everyday, but I have learned I am much stronger than I thought I was. Let’s get this over with and I will have a happy cry when I cross the finish line and get my life back. I had planned a birthday party a month in advance before my 40th birthday but cancelled it. This year, I will celebrate 41 with a party. There will be bigger reasons to celebrate life because cancer won’t win.”

I interviewed Jennifer as Emma, owner of Yum Arts Collective, painted a henna cap on Jennifer’s head. It became a beautiful work of art.

Jennifer posted this on her Facebook page two weeks after our interview.

Went to the plastic surgeon on Monday for a consult for after my chemo is done. He agrees about my difficult decision to have a bilateral mastectomy and says it’ll take 3 surgeries (with all going well & healing time).
And that’s when I had my first “why me?” moment and really cried. Reality hit me.
I’m going to lose my breasts.
It’s easy to say, “Oh just get new ones” but these are MY BREASTS. I’ve had them for 40 years and now they’re going to be taken away by this invader.
Not only are they being taken away, but now I have to choose between being flat-chested with scars or implanting two foreign bodies that have the capability of also causing me harm. And three surgeries at best.
I don’t want implants. I’ve NEVER wanted implants. I’ve always been happy with what God gave me, but my body turned against me.
Now, I have to decide how I want to see my body not only physically, but emotionally and psychologically as well.
Will I look at a flat chest and wish I had breasts? Will I look at the implants and resent them because they’re not my breasts and I felt vanity? Is it “vanity” to want to have breasts and feel like a woman? Do my breasts make me feel like a woman? Would I have confidence and femininity without breasts? How will I know?? What happens in 10, 15 years when/if they have to be replaced? Will I have the means to replace them?
I can finally say I’m mad at this cancer.
Even after it’s gone it will change the rest of my life.
It’s easy to say, “just chop ‘em off” but I’m only 40 and the psychological effect this will have on me is unknown and scary.
It would be different if I had always wanted implants. But I’ve never wanted them, and now it’s not an “enhancement” as much as it is a decision on what my “new normal” will be for the rest of my life, and it’s daunting.
I’m scared.

Here is the GoFundMe to help Jennifer pay for copays, gas money, bills, food, and taking care of her pets.
https://www.gofundme.com/f/jennifer-c-expense-help?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=p_lico%2Bupdate&fbclid=IwAR0zqoiPLsXENU27faupbzkiRFr86xeCL5ALVHtwTF5UbaEwcbJmljm6lEQ