I just left my husband because he is abusive

July 24, 2019

“I just left my husband because he is abusive. I am sleeping in my car. I guess that makes me homeless now. He is verbally abusive and he has been physically abusive in the past. He is building back up to that. I had to get out because I knew it wasn’t going to end up good. I don’t know what I am going to do. We have been together for almost 20 years. I have left him before but he always finds me. I stayed away from him for three years. Sometimes it is easier to give in than to keep trying. You get tired. I thought he was different and that he would change. He tracked me everywhere I went. If I deviated, oh my God. We fight a lot, but he doesn’t beat me all of the time. I think it could be worse and who am I to complain? We have grandbabies and yesterday he said they couldn’t come and threatened them. The longer I stay away from him, the stronger I get. I know he is no good and is not going to change. I hate that I love him.

The cops stopped me three times last night. One told me to come here and I would be okay and not hassled. I found a place under a light and felt safe. I don’t mind sleeping in my car because no one is waking me up screaming at me.  Someone brought lunch for me and my dog. I have had her since she was 3 days old. The mama and other puppies were killed. She is the only one who survived. She is my best friend. 

A few people have stopped to help and told me to keep my head up and encouraged me. No one has let me wash their windows yet. I have never done anything like this before. At least no one has been mean to me. Any time anyone made me feel good or happy or strong, he got them away from me because they were influencing me to not like him. He isolated me and drove our kids away by the way he treated them. I want to read a book and not feel guilty about reading a book. I want to watch TV without him turning it off and making me pay attention to him.  My mom controlled me and then he controlled me. I have been controlled my whole life. I just want to be safe and happy.”

*I stopped here on the way out of town trying to find Don to give him messages from his story yesterday. He wasn’t there, but she was. I filled up her tank and connected her with a place that can help her. I hope she drove there from the gas station.


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