“I was 14 the first time I drank. Blacked out for three hours. When I came to, a cute guy was hanging on me. We were walking down the road, going to see the fireworks. I thought I would never go another day of my life without this. I was an instant alcoholic. Soon after, I got into radio with my friend, Lori DuBose. We were 15 and became DJs for the Sneaker Street program on WABB in Mobile.

I was a DJ in college and became a station program director at 20. I thought I didn’t need a degree, so I dropped out. That was during the seventies and eighties—the height of commercial radio and the beginning of MTV. 92 Zew was my first job when I came back to Mobile. Catt Sirten was introducing new and interesting music to the community, giving many musicians their break. Radio was a fun career. I was Marty with the Party, and there were always free drinks at the bar. I was high-strung; alcohol calmed me down. I wrecked a lot of cars during those years.

I got sober at 25 after I was arrested on public intoxication. I almost killed my husband. I came home and busted him cheating on me. It was like an episode of Jerry Springer. I was going to take us both out but was too drunk to do it. My mom and aunt drove up in the middle of the night to bail me out of jail and take me to the hospital. I went into treatment right after that. I only drank for 11 years, but it was a bad 11 years. I didn’t think I’d make it to 25.

My first day sober was my phoenix day, rising up from the ashes to create a life worth living. No more drowning my pain in alcohol. My mother was my best support system and never left my side. I cared for her the last four years of her life, living my amends. When we buried her, I put my 35 year chip in her hands.

I worked for most of the radio stations in Mobile. My last gig was the seven to midnight shift on the Rocket. They renamed me the ‘Mistress of Rock n Roll’. I thought they were kidding, but I was the Mistress of Rock for about nine years. I miss the days when we spun vinyl. There was an art in smoothly segueing one song into the next. Put the needle on the beginning of the song, then back the record a turn and a half so it would start in the right place. I did a request and dedication show called ‘Lights Out on the Coast’. People called in with their stories. We recorded the calls on reel to reel tape, cutting and splicing the tape with a razor during songs. Back then, we used our music knowledge and played what mixed well together. Now music is preprogrammed.

I am 62. It’s been 37 years since I’ve had a drink. I’m not cured—never going to be cured. That shit can hit at any time. Alcoholics see drinking as ease and comfort, not pain and suffering. Drinking is a relief, even though it causes us to lose family, friends and jobs. Relapse is the norm—I’ve buried a lot of friends. Staying active in Alcoholics Anonymous and sponsoring others is essential for my sobriety. I’m sponsoring 20 people right now. They are in different stages and live across the country. If you’re still breathing, you deserve another chance. I stick out my hand to pull up someone, then they help somebody else. One person in recovery doing what needs to be done affects everyone around them.

My sponsor for 31 years recently passed away. She pounded service and working the steps into me. Keep peeling back the layers of the onion to find faulty core beliefs. What old ideas make me repeat the past, hurting other people and myself? I help the folks I sponsor understand that spirituality is the crux of the issue. Once we get that into the center of our lives, we heal mentally and physically.

I see my mistakes and bad decisions as ripping the karmic fabric of the universe. But I also have opportunities to sew rips and heal scars. I am weaving back the fabric with every person I help. I’m becoming a certified recovery support specialist to help people in new ways. It’s another way to help people feel loved and find their purpose. People still do it for me.

When I was a kid I wanted to be on the radio and write poetry. I am still writing poetry to help me get out of my head and look at life in different ways. It’s like looking through a kaleidoscope. Turn it one way for an interesting picture, then click to the left or right. It’s a completely different picture. I keep clicking and looking at life from different perspectives.”

Marty

It had been burning
so long
I thought I’d forgotten
from where
and whence it came,
as if I ever
really knew.
Its ancestral flames licked at the lining of my soul, softly
as a constant rustle of wings.
I tried to extinguish it
with every manner of liquid –
teardrop, raindrop, ice water, firewater
but all of it landed like gasoline
stoking the fury of the blaze,
embedded memories the tinder for
spontaneous ascension.
I labeled its sinister shade
of motion, poetry,
and peddled it in silent auction
to the lowest bidder.
I brazenly danced a tango
with its passion,
confessed to crimes
I didn’t commit,
surrendered myself to its lunacy
and sacrificed loved ones
at the altar of its backdraft.
There was, however,
a distant singing on the fringes
of the indiscriminate roar, hanging just above the cacophony of combustion,
the falling beams,
exploding glass
and screeching whistles of the fire.
Cracks began to appear in the mortar, glowing saffron and carnelian through the foundation
as it snaked in molten rivers
inside this skin,
leaving banks of powdery-ash to blow like dandelions
in blistering invisible winds.
This is when they appeared – the feathers –
emerging from the inferno
unfurling out of my skeleton, fanning against a
brittle, bursting chrysalis,
trailing a phoenix tail of
hope
lashed to the banshee howl
of rebirthing.
In the alchemical resolution
of opposites, here,
in the vortex of the abyss,
in the beaker of my soul,
insatiable rage and fear became the smallest ember of air…
where I could draw a breath again, or for the first time.
From this tempest,
from this growing heap of coals, the remains of a thousand
little violent deaths,
I found the sky.

“From This” by Marcia “Marty” Martin

Here’s the link to more about Marcia’s poetry and radio career.