“Raven had just turned 16 and we were starting to let her do her own thing and go off with her group of friends. We called her Rae Rae and she was hilarious. She would tell me things and I couldn’t do anything but laugh. She was no trouble and she didn’t like punishment. When I came home from work, she took care of me. She would turn on the foot massager and rubbed lotion on my feet. She was a good, funny child and the light of our family. She loved me, but she loved her daddy more. December 6, 2014, changed our life. My birthday and holidays will never be the same,

She worked with her daddy that morning then we were going to the mall to go Christmas shopping and to get me something for my birthday a few days later. I was at the hairdresser and she texted me, ‘Mama, where are you at?’ I told her the hairdresser and she replied with a sad face. She was ready to go. That was the last text I ever got from her and I kept it in my phone until I got a new phone.

After we got back from the mall, she wanted to go to Applebees with her friends and told us, ‘You know I won’t be late.’ She got money from her daddy, walked to the door, and we both said, ‘I love you.’ I told her, ‘I will see you when you get home,’ and I closed and locked the door.

There were two carloads of girls picking up a friend at the Rogers Williams project to celebrate her birthday at dinner. The car Raven was in was shot 11 times and Raven was hit. The shooter had gotten into it earlier in the day with a guy who drove a car that looked like the car Raven was in.

Rodney and I were in the bed watching TV and my phone vibrated. I didn’t know who it was. Someone sent me a message with a screenshot from one of Raven’s friend’s Facebook pages that said, ‘Does anyone have Raven Hamilton’s mama’s phone number? She’s been shot.’ I jumped out of the bed, put on clothes and couldn’t say anything. I called Raven’s phone and a friend answered and said they were at Women’s and Children’s.

When we got to the hospital it felt like a million people were there. I walked in and heard them working on her. The curtain was closed but I could see her shoe and sock going up and down as they did chest compressions. I could hear the machines and them saying they needed to work on her heart. I lost my balance and hit the floor. The nurse told me I had to be strong because they were doing the best they could. I started praying and Rodney asked me if I thought she was going to be okay. I told him, ‘I don’t know. It is up to God.’ We prayed, ‘Father, let your will be done.’

All of a sudden, the bells and whistles stopped. I didn’t hear the heart monitor and I told Rodney she was gone. I knew my baby was gone. The doctor came in and said they did all they could. I just wanted to see my child. We were taken into a conference room and had to call our mamas and tell them. After that, a lot of people came in to see us. I was in shock and don’t remember much except thinking this can not be happening to us. When I finally saw my child it crushed my heart. She did nothing to deserve this. Nothing.”

“She would give you the shirt off her back. They got the guy the same night because a kid turned him in who went to school with Raven and said she was a good person and didn’t deserve this.”

“The shooter was arrested at his grandmother’s house and they took him to the metro jail, where I work. I always try to be kind and encourage the people who are in prison there and make their life a little better. I try to treat people right and fair. Some of the guys knew what he did to Mrs.Hamilton’s daughter and were ready to beat the boy and hurt him. They got him out of the facility and sent him to Baldwin County and he has been there ever since.

“I had to make funeral arrangements for my child on my birthday, December 8. Everyone was so blown away. They opened up the Calloway-Smith gym for the service and set it up for us. I turned around during the service and the gym was packed. Where did all of those people come from?”

“How has this changed you?”

“Raven used to come to work with me and there are days where I can still smell her perfume. We have grandkids and we overprotect them now. I don’t want them to go outside and play on the playground. I am the one who has to be there and I won’t let anything happen to them. I want to start a mentoring program for young people.”

“I am part of the justice system and it made me feel like the justice system has failed me, like this boy took my child’s life as a joke. I have to protect people who have taken lives and now I know how it is from the other side. I try to stay professional but it takes a lot of restraint.

There was a mistrial the first trial because there were problems in the deliberation in the jury. It seemed like there was so much evidence and they even caught him in lies on the stand. We have to go back for a second trial on September 11.

How can we go through a trial again? It rips my heart out and sucks the life out of me. It is pulling a scab off a sore while you are trying to heal and get back to as close as normal as we can. You try to go on with life and then you run into a brick wall again and you are trapped. Once the trial and everything is over, maybe we can move forward.

We lost our child for nothing and no reason. The guy who shot her doesn’t know who she was. He showed no remorse during the trial. He didn’t care and we had to look at him the whole time. When his family brought his child to the hearing, I almost lost it. He could look at his child but because of him, I will never look at mine again. That child had done nothing to me, but it still hurt me. Almost three years later and there is still no justice for Raven’s death.”

“This guy should have been in prison for all of the other things he has done. He was a repeat violet offender.

“Some days are better than others. Most people will never understand what I we are going through and some have told us to get over it. You never realize how strong you are until strong is all you can be. Life goes on, but I still want to press pause and sometimes I do. I don’t get out of the bed or open the window. I question God. Why are we going through this? What have I done to deserve this?There are women out there who don’t want to be mothers but have kids and I am trying to do it the right way and I am the one suffering. I took my job at the jail for my kids. We were young and I wanted them to have good insurance and better things. Rodney didn’t want me to take that job. It wasn’t about the job, it was the benefits. I want my kids to have better. Go to any doctor, me and your daddy have got you. My mom was a good mom and needs were met but that was it. I didn’t have the luxury of regularly going to the dentist or the doctor when we were sick.

This drew us closer together. Rodney understands me and I understand him. No one else knows how we feel.”

“I still haven’t mourned. I have to stay strong for them. Maybe one day I will break down. I can’t tell them to be strong if I am not being strong.”

“We have been together for 21 years. Rodney has always told me, ‘It will be all right. I’ve got you.’ He has always tries his best to make sure his family has what we need. I was a shell of a person after we lost Raven and he had to do everything. I had to get myself to the point where I could semi-function. I lost my dad in 2012 and thought that was bed but nothing is worth than the loss of a child. A part of your heart dies. Like you have been run over by a truck and can’t recover.

I think of Raven every day. Graduation blew my mind and I lost it. I have friends where our kids started kindergarden together. May 19, 2017 was supposed to be the happiest days of my life because it was the day my last child graduated.”

“We couldn’t go to the graduation so we did our own thing at the cemetery. She was going to Florida because I am a Florida Gator. Her classmates held a picnic in her honor and that meant a lot to us.

We had to make something positive out of our pain so we started Raven’s Promise Scholarship. The promise is to react in a nonviolent way to all situations. You are the solution. We sold wristbands and gave $1,000 away the first year with support. The second year we took donations and sold T-shirts and gave $1,500. This is something we have to keep going even if I have to use all of my money to do it. We are going to help some kid with their education. We won’t have that opportunity with Raven. I am proud of this.”

“We could be bitter people who hated everything, but why? I want young people to realize there is more to life than a gun. They don’t know the joys of life and how to appreciate it. We don’t deserve to lose a child like this, but God has been good to us and he is the reason why I am who I am. He kept me in my right mind during the hardest time of my life and kept me and Rodney strong together. I hate to see my child leave us, but I am so thankful for the 16 years of Mama, Mama, and Daddy, Daddy.

You appreciate the small things. Raven swept and clean the bathrooms. Now I pass the bathroom and can hear her say, ‘This bathroom doesn’t smell like Pinesol. Y’all ain’t doing it right.’

Raven came off as shy at first, but she had to feel you before she got to know you. I couldn’t ask for a better, more humble child, but she was a little spoiled. She wanted a new pair of Jordans almost every other week but she didn’t get them quite that often. She wore them and when she was done, she gave them to someone else. We kept 10 pairs of them at home and her clothes are still in the closet. That’s Raven’s room and will always be Raven’s room. I tell myself, ‘You know you are crazy, right?’ I just want her to come home one more time and walk through the door one like none of this ever happened.”

You can give to the Raven’s Promise Scholarship through the Fuse Project in Mobile.